Everyone has an embarrassing fart story. You know the one that just slips out at the worst possible time. Maybe you’re on a first date or in a meeting at work and then BAM it happens! Go ahead and share your most cringe-worthy fart story you are among friends!
Some of our favorite fart stories to get things started
Jen
I was dating a new guy. Slept over his house for the first time and we got on the topic of farting. Me, attempting to be cute went on and on about “girls don’t even fart” hehehaha. Went to bed. I farted SO DAMN LOUD that it woke us both up. SO loud that it hurt. We both pretended it didn’t happen and in the morning he rolls over and says “Soo, I thought girls didn’t fart? I thought we got bombed!”
Mike
So it’s just me and me brother together at church back in the day when we still had to go. I had fallen asleep during the sermon and woke up because I heard somebody fart.
I looked around confused and looked at my brother who then told me that it was actually me who had farted. Oh, and they were wooden pews and it happened right after the priest had finished taking so it was dead silent. I’m actually kinda proud of that one.
kerry919
Okay so my farts are always quiet, they never make a sound but they do stink and really bad too. So this one time I was waiting in line at the library and I needed to fart. So I say to myself, “well it’s not going to make a noise”, so BAMM!!! All of a sudden it makes this thunder noise, and it stank so bad. And I this old lady behind me nearly has a heart attack. So then everyone’s looking around to see wear that loud thunder noise came from, and to not look guilty I looked around the library too. Lol but it stank so bad, I checked out my books only to put them back in the bin (wear returns go) and I NEVER went into that library again. After making I stink bomb in there I don’t think anybody did. Lol, I hope I win Most Helpful because I promised to my self that I would never ever tell that story, nor ever think about that time again. Maybe in the future I’ll look back and laugh but right now I’m still super embarrassed. Lol.
stevo
Was Halloween shopping at Value Village and I needed to fart. Pizza, wings, snacks, etc and my stomach was upset. I sneaked into the corner to unload a good wet one, which burned coming out. Didn’t see this poor woman ducked down behind the stand looking at fake vampire teeth. She stood up very quickly after I cleared my colon of noxious fumes.
Rich99
Was at my girlfriends apartment and needed to fart really bad. She was in her bedroom getting ready so I decided to let it rip as I walked into the kitchen. To my surprise her mom was in the kitchen getting a glass of water. I had just met her the day before.
James
This happened when I was a kid and I was at my friend’s house. We were playing in the back of the house when I heard the loudest fart I’ve ever heard in my life come from the front of the house in the kitchen. To all of our surprise it was his mom. She was super embarrassed and actually started crying because we were all laughing so hard. To this day I’ve never heard a fart that loud. That thing was monstrous!
jenni
My son was having trouble in fourth grade, so I went to meet with his teacher to address the issue. As we were sitting in a silent, empty classroom, deep in serious conversation, my body rebelled. Without warning, a deep, loud fart burst out of me. I wanted to run and cry. She was so sweet and graceful about it. But yep, I ripped one in front of my kid’s teacher. Awesome.
kateb
After a funeral, I went to get a drink from the water fountain. I had to lean over my now-husband’s family member who was breastfeeding her baby on a bench. I let out a noxious silent gas, like rotten eggs, right at the moment I leaned over her. She looked at me like I had slapped her baby…which I basically did. The baby started crying; I said, “I am so sorry,” and quickly walked away.
Katerina Cervantes
My senior year of high school I had ovarian cysts that caused a ton of pain. My doctor put me on a high dose of Percocet, while they decided whether or not to operate. I was sitting in algebra class, stoned out of my mind, trying to pay attention. I kept farting throughout class and didn’t realize it until the guy next to me goes, “The fuck is wrong with you?!?!” My teacher walked me into the hall and tried to tell me to stop, but I was too drugged up to give a shit and continued to fart throughout my classes that day.
Keisha
“My boyfriend invited me over to watch a scary movie with him and his friends. They knew I don’t like scary movies. I was sitting on the couch with my boyfriend, and one of his friends was sitting on the floor right in front of me. There was a really scary scene, and it made me jump. When I jumped, a loud fart came out. His friend, whose head was right next to where I was sitting, also jumped up and said, ‘I ain’t never been shit on by a woman before.’ The next time I came over, they had a poster that said ‘no farting.’ They got it because of me and my most embarrassing fart ever.”
inrecline
I was extremely constipated for two weeks, the only thing the freed me up was about a gallon of prune juice. After the juice worked all the solids out of my system, it left me with the most insane farts ever, like 15 second long masterpieces. I walked into my backyard where all my friends where bbq’ing and felt a fart building, so I got all of their attention, did a little dance that I intended to end with an awesome fart and then promptly shit my pants in front of everyone.
MadLintElf
Sitting in my boxers on a wooden chair in my kitchen, wife is sitting across the room at a computer next to a fan and the kids are 3 feet away from me in the living room.
I let out this high pitched one and as I lifted my cheek I got deeper in tone and warbled.
Both kids looked at me like wow, how did you do that. Then my wife turns around and asks “What did you just say?”.
I started laughing, the kids started laughing, we had tears in our eyes it was so funny. Wife gets annoyed and says what’s so damn funny.
One of the kids stops laughing enough to get out “That was his butt talking, he farted”.
She just shook her head and tried to make believe it wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t help but laugh.
inrecline
I ate a lot of chinese food one night before bed. I farted so much in my sleep that when me and my girlfriend woke up the room was so lousy with fart smell that it made her throw up. I consider that one of my greatest accomplishments
I’ve seen your “How to get your Girlfriend to fart in front of you” and when i was 23 i had a girlfriend and one day i was talking to her and she started to talk but then i saw her go to the bathroom and then after painting her nails and then we talked some more and then she went to the bathroom and i herd her call me for help so i went to up to the door and she asked for me to come inside and she said for me to help her WIPE HER BOTTOM because she had wet nails!
Blah!🤮
As I was saying, world cup, here in Brazil this is practically a holiday (Seriously, I literally leave classes early to watch Brazil games), so all my family would be together in my house, and that also means that several foods would be made to feed a giant family. On normal occasions, my mother would strictly prevent me from eating that massive amount of food because… right? But today was special, it was the world cup, a moment of happiness, because it is perfectly safe to let a teenager with no control over his intestines eat a massive amount of food greasy, what could go wrong right? So …
I’ve always been a foodie, so when I saw that huge pizza, cheese rolls, casseroles and lasagna, I couldn’t resist and ate like a pig… what a mistake. I remember like it was yesterday, Brazil vs Mexico, it should have been 20 minutes into the game when my belly started bubbling and puffing, and when I say stuffing I mean stuffing A LOT, I ran to the bathroom and I ripped up giant farts, so I thought it was empty, so I went back to watching the game.
A few minutes later, that feeling of a Pitton moving in my stomach came back and my belly felt like a balloon. My cousin, who thought farts were really funny, also farted a lot and was like my “fart partner” (We had fierce competition), had already realized that I was about to explode, so what did he do? Did you help me cover it up? Told me to fart so he take the blame? NO, the bastard got close to me and started to tickle me, then in the midst of my giggles, I felt the wind come out, hot and ROTTEN, a pure garbage smell that thank God went away silent.
My cousin started to laugh, but it soon stopped when the smell hit the room, my aunt (scandalous) said loudly “Who’s farting?”, it was complete silence filled with people holding their noses and coughing, over time we forget about it and continue to watch the game.
I kept farting, but this time going to the bathroom, and yes, later that day I completely clogged the toilet.
I was a Captain in the Civil Air Patrol, which is the volunteer Auxiliary of the USAF.
I went to Burger King on my way to a unit assembly, wearing camouflage BDU’s.
After I lined up, I immediately realised I had to fart.
I eased it out quietly, but it was really hot. A couple of seconds later I smelled it and thought “damn, that came out of ME?” People in line started coughing and fanning their faces. It smelled like setting rotten eggs on fire.
I got to the counter and the cute little teenage girl behind the till was fanning her face. Putting on my best military bearing, I asked “is something the matter?” She gestured down the counter where a guy was holding a baby boy and whispered “poopy diaper!”
Bearing up all my control I said “I understand. Those things do happen,” and ordered.
How I kept from dying laughingg is a miracle. This was a very, VERY horrible fart!
I ate my mom’s bean burrito during vacation in Indiana and the room stunk bad with my stinky fart.!😃🤣😊Phew!
I ate several plates of baked beans while at my mom’s house, followed by some pretty rollicky, foul-smelling gas. Spent a little time just farting around; my mom was set to return in about an hour or two, and I had to go to work.
A bit later, at work, my mom asks what was that rotting smell that greeted her on her arrival. “I have no idea,” I said.
Another really funny story. My father and I were going to Long Island in the summer time to go see my Uncle Mike. We took the Amtrak train from upstate NY and it was a very long trip. By the time we got into the city I had to poop but we were about to miss our train so we had to get to the Long Island Rail Road terminal in Penn Station. We finally got to our train connection and it was standing room only of course. Mind you it was a hot day and equally hot in the train car. It was a whopping 94 degrees in Manhattan and almost as hot as that on the train. Between the sweating profusely, not being able to sit, and the overwhelming need to fart, I just let it out. It was a very long, silent, and hot fart. Almost within seconds my father looks at me, chuckles, then whispers, “Wait til all these people get a snout full of that”. We watched with smirks on our faces as one by one people’s faces began to contort into unpleasant reactions. Nobody said a word but you could tell they weren’t impressed. After about 5 minutes some dude at the back of the train car yells out, “ISNT SOMEONE GONNA OPEN A FUCKIN WINDOW!!!”. I have never been as simultaneously entertained or as proud of my work in my life!
Jack! Do not do that on a plane, in a small car, or another train! SHAME ON YOU! You should have done your business in the BR before riding the train.
I ended up going on a blind date with this one girl and it became very apparent very early on that I really wasn’t into her, but she was very much into me. I decided to try to do something to sabotage the date and since I have always been able to fart almost on command and usually really loud ones, I decided to try farting in pubic a try. We ended up going to the mall and we were going to go see a movie later on, and I saw a center kiosk that had all sorts of calendars for sale. I pretended to take interest in them and she stood next to me looking at a few of them herself when I realized, its game time. It was a little later on in the evening and the mall was packed with people so I figured i’d have the extra added benefit of an audience. Just then I let out a series of loud wet sounding farts as people were walking by. I pretended to not care and continued to look at the calendars like I didn’t even notice that my own ass just exploded a bunch of times. Some people kept walking by, others walked by and were like, “Holy shit!”. To my right was my date and to my surprise instead of being mortified or angry, she laughed her ass off. To my discouragement she thought they were super funny and at the end of the date told me she hadn’t laughed so hard in my life… Eventually I let her down the right way but we remain friends and often reminds me of the night I shit myself repeatedly in front of hundreds of people… Moral of the story, know your audience I guess…
I went on a school trip back in my senior year of high school and we were separated into groups of 5 or 6 in a hostel. This was at 1 AM so everybody was really tired and went to bed right away. I was laying in bed and then I had the sudden urge to fart. Not a small one, mind you, a BIG urge. The lights were off and there was only the occasional sound of stirring around the room. I tried to wait as long as I could to make sure if everyone was asleep. Then I did it. I ripped a loud fart that I’m sure everyone in the room could hear if they were still awake. No idea if they knew I was the one who did it, and nobody brought it up the next morning hahaha.
So, I was in class and everyone was just minding their business until I was about to fart. I thought to myself, “Oh, it won’t make a sound. I know it.” But, as I farted it made noise and everybody just started looking in my direction. The teacher just said, “Everybody farts.” At least everybody was in a good mood!
When I was in the New Zealand Railways Corporation -1984- I was detailed to go get some G1’s…Goods Waybills. Pushing the sack barrow, I was accompanied with another Storesperson, and I decided to break a new Pallet down to make these even. Climbed on up; first carton down….no worries. Whilst getting the 2 carton down, Mt Wrightyeum let loose with the loudest BANG!! ever heard! My mate was gassed, and what did I do?
The only sane thing a man can do…laugh!
I worked as a fixed-term art model for a short period at a drawing academy. One day, I ate some baked beans and boiled eggs to go on a diet before going to work. While posing in front of the students, my tummy began to fill with lots of gas. I thought, “Oh my, it must be very stinky!’. So I desperately held back my fart, but it didn’t last long. When I changed into another pose, suddenly a loud, rotten eggs-like fart burst out of my butt. Even I still remember that sound, “FbRrrrraPFT!!!” It was out of my control! The terrible smell spread to all students, and my face was burning. That was my worst embarrassing fart story 😂
i was in a Mc Donald’s which has plastic seats,and i cut a very long and very noisy fart!everybody had to have heard it.how embarrassing!!
SHAME ON YOU! I’m glad I was not at that McDonald’s.
Were the toys Paw Patrol Movie or Encanto?
My wife and I were at this fairly huge gathering of very close friends and people we just met. We all gathered under this huge pavilion to sit down to a finely catered dinner and were seated at these long picnic tables. So, being the gentleman I am, I left all the other guests go through the serving line and then proceed to do the same myself after everybody else was taken care of. Before hand, I felt this urge building to let one of my infamous farts rip. It kept building and building until I returned to my fully packed table. Upon sitting down, I realized, I can’t go on with this or I’m going to shit myself! At this point in front of everyone I lifted my leg and let out one of my best, loudest and rankiest farts ever. I had no shame or remorse either. The entire table cleared including my wife who turned to me and said…”you’re a pig, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.” After laughing so hard during the entire episode, i proclaimed loud so everyone could hear…”no longer do I have pain and I hope to hell there’s no stain!”…”Like my father always told me and everyone else…YOU CAN’T HOLD WHAT’S NOT IN YOUR HANDS!!!”
I was walking down a hallway in school and really needed to fart, but there were people all over the corridor. I walked into my professor’s classroom and let 4 or 5 eggy farts rip. Just then she came into the classroom, then she started talking about my English essay, and we got into a conversation. Then she sniffed, and said “What’s that horrible smell?”. She covered her nose and began wafting the air. She definitely knew it was me so I left the classroom, very embarrassed.
This fart story didn’t happen to me but happened to my friends mom. This was several years ago when I was hanging out at my friends house. We were playing video games in the back of the house when we heard the loudest fart of all time!
It came from the front of the house and it was seriously the loudest fart I have ever heard. We all busted out laughing and he left the room to investigate. When he came back he asked us quietly to stop laughing because it was his mom who had farted and she was super embarrassed. She apparently had been bending over to pick something up in the kitchen and had accidentally ripped the most epic fart I have ever heard!
Did the Bats in the belfry flap in alarm? At this raucous expulsion?
Was hanging out with my girlfriend and was taking a nap on the couch. Woke myself up with a giant fart. My girlfriend had a group of her friends over and they all heard it. Definitely not one of my best moments.
Was at the gym with my head phones on. For a brief moment I forgot where I was and let one fly. It must have been pretty loud because I caught a few sideways glances as I walked by. Got the heck out of there as fast as I could. Dang airpods!
I walked into the High School Library looking for my daughter. As I stood in front of a table crowded with students, suddenly a very loud “floof” comes out three times. Luckily, my daughter was in another location and none of the kids knew me.
Had a big lunch at a mexican restaurant. Well as you would guess when I cambe back to work my stomach did not feel right. Farted in a meting at work and pretty much died from embarrassment. My coworkers made fun of me for weeks! fml
Made the mistake of eating a bunch of dried apricots before a blind date. When my date answered the door he gave me a hug. The pressure on my tummy caused me to fart super loud. I was so embarrassed and let’s just say that was our first and only date!